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"Move fast with stable infra". Facebook's new corporate motto gives gibberish a bad name

stable infra

via Flickr © deerkoski (CC BY 2.0)

His personal appearance at this year's Mobile World Congress in Barcelona may have been a tad under-rehearsed or perhaps overly-spontaneous (the walk on stage and little wave to the packed audience whilst simultaneously failing to turn to look at the assembled multitude had many delegates either laughing up their sleeves or guffawing out loud) that nice but no longer quite so very young Mr. Zuckerberg hopes to keep his finger on the pulse of the youthful zeitgeist even as more and more youngsters churn away from Facebook to something, well, rather more appealing to youth.

So, on Tuesday this week, back on home turf in California (and thousands of miles away from Catalonia, a place that sounds pretty similar to California but definitely isn't) Mr. Zuckerberg stunned attendees at Facebook's developers conference by announcing that he has graciously conferred a new new motto on the company. (Cue for much screaming, whooping and general pandemonium as the crowd goes wild and the world wobbles on its axis).

Yes, gone is the motto of old, "Move fast and break things." That was fatuous and practically meaningless enough, conjuring up as it does the vision of the CEO on a bull in a china shop hand-flapping rampage, but at least students of the future will, in the fullness of time when the Book of Zuckerberg is written, gain their doctorates by writing theses on the old motto's deep semantic meaning.

That will not be true of the 'new' motto. which is is unutterable tripe.

It is, I kid you not, "Move fast with stable infra". All we can hope is that Mark thought it up himself and didn't pay vast sums to a creative agency for such a dollop of horses patoots.

So Mark, if the new motto is indeed your very own brainchild would you please tell us what an "infra" is, how big it is, how many legs it has, what it eats and how and where does one stable it?

We're also opening up the debate to the rest of the world. If you know what "move fast with stable infra" means, then answers on a postcard please to be left behind the cistern in the third cubicle on the left in the gents lavatory at Waterloo Station. We'll send them on, suitably annotated.

Having read and reread those five gnomic words to the point of triggering apoplexy TelecomTV has come to the conclusion that Mr. Zuckerberg is referring to infrastructure and the increasing need for that infrastructure to be made more and more stable as bandwidth is gobbled-up and networks creak under the strain of billions of users posting ever more heavy video traffic. But who knows?

At the same developers gathering the Facebook CEO also outlined the company's strategy for the immediate and middling future. It seems there will be an emphasis on virtual reality and the production of a Facebook VR gaming headset as "the next step in the sharing evolution of social experiences." According to Mr. Zuckerberg VR "is not something that you just experience passively", adding that Facebook's News Feed will support "spherical" video that providing viewers with a 360-degree view of the world." Interesting but massively over-hyped in that Facebook is calling a virtual reality headset a "Teleportation Station." "Beam me up Scotty and get me the hell out of here!"

Facebook is also getting into shopping by making it possible for users to get confirmation of online orders straight into their Facebook Messenger accounts. These threads will provide information on where orders are, the option to return items and communicate directly with customer service departments. (and the best of luck with that last one). Not overly exciting really, is it?

And, last, but by no means least, Facebook is moving into the Internet of Things (IoT). The company wants to become even more ubiquitous and inescapable by moving beyond the computer, the tablet and smartphone and absolutely everything else. To this end it is massively investing-in and expanding the Parse mobile app-building business to cover and exploit the "Internet of Things". Just take off that capital P and the response is staring you in the face. Viz: "Move fast with stable infra". My (P)arse.

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