A Telecoms Christmas Carol: Good King Wenceslas (a Feast of Stevens)
Dec 20, 2016
The feast of Stevens
’The words to the carol "Good King Wenceslas" were written by John Mason Neale and published in 1853, the music originates in Finland 300 years earlier. By happy chance our updated carol is also set mostly in Finland from which snow-bound position Nokia once dominated the global cellular handset business, packing the stockings of all the good (and bad) boys and girls the world over until… far away in sunny California Steve #1 (there could have been a Steve #2, but Wozniak had made his escape years earlier) came up with the iPhone. Subsequently, two other Stevens or Stephens (#3 Ballmer and #4 Elop) grasped an opportunity... or so they thought.
This is their story. If you’re a Steve (or a Steve sympathiser) look away…. now!
Nokia was badly mauled,
by several men called stephen
All its value drained away,
Now it’s getting even
With Windows smashed and iPhone flat
They’ll build them like they oughta
They’ll be back on top again,
Gunning for a slau-oor-ghter
When Steven Ballmer asked he heard,
“What we need’s more mobile”
He jumped on stage and ran about
Until he wasn’t able
He grasped the microphone and swooned:
“I love this ££$$%& comp’ny,
But what I need is a buffoon
To message other countries."
"Hither, page, and stand by me
If thou know'st it, telling
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?"
That’s Stephen Elop, Gentle Sire,
He might be what you’re after
Stick him on a plane and see ..
If he can find a par-aart-ner
So Stevie Elop went up North
as far as he was able
He dined and supped in Helsinki
Then he banged the table…
“Sign with us, we’ll see you right,”
He promised all and sundry
Then he headed south again
Basking in the glor--or--ry
[time passed, many maneouvres and stitch-ups were executed but then it all fell apart, Microsoft bought and then
practically dissolved Nokia’s smartphone business.. the rest as they say, is history].
Stephen thought he’d make it work,
He couldn’t and we’d noticed…
But with business failure all the rage….(pregnant pause)
They’ll probably make him POTUS.