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Woo-hoo! A bit of a to-do as 'Yahoos' pooh-pooh voodoo email hoo-doo

Oh, the scandal and embarrassment! After Yahoo's email service was redesigned back in October, the company saw yet more unhappy users churn away even as it was battered by a perfect virtual storm of complaints about the "new" service. And by a storm, I mean a storm. Yahoo has received millions of complaints about the unintuitive unusability its new email package.

That's bad enough, but dissent and disobedience is also rife within the hallowed halls of Yahoo HQ itself (indeed it is rumoured that the muttering may have even leaked through the soundproof walls of St. Marissa's creche to defile the innocent infant ears of The Macallister himself) where those pesky employees will insist on using Outlook despite pleas, cajolery and imprecations from upper management.

A company memo leaked from Yahoo Central shows that just a quarter of employees have migrated to Yahoo mail, while the 75 per cent majority are staying with something that is easy to use and works properly - Outlook.

Now, if a company can't convince its own staff to use one of its products, what hope is there for persuading the public to use Yahoo email?

The internal email is a jointly penned (or, at least, jointly signed) missive from Yahoo CEO Randy Roumillat and Jeff Bonforte, SVP of the Communications Products division, which was mysteriously made available to the All Things D website.

Here's an excerpt.

It begins, "Hello Yahoos"; How twee and condescending is that? I don't know about you but simply reading such unmitigated paternalistic twaddle is enough for my buttocks to go into immediate and involuntary hyper-clench-mode.

The email continues, "Earlier this year we asked you to move to Yahoo Mail for your corporate email account. 25% of you made the switch... [but]...we have clearly failed in our goal to move our co-workers to Yahoo Mail.

It’s time for the remaining 75% to make the switch. Beyond the practical benefits of giving feedback to your colleagues on the Mail team, as a company it’s a matter of principle to use the products we make. (BTW, same for Search.).... it doesn’t feel like we are asking you to abandon some glorious place of communications nirvana. At this point in your life, Outlook may be familiar, which we can often confuse with productive or well designed. Certainly, we can admire the application for its survival, an anachronism of the now defunct 90s PC era."

Oh, Yahoo, thy second name is hubris.

Here's some more; "Using corp mail from the Y Mail web interface is remarkably feature rich. It supports booking conference rooms, folders, calendar, filters and global address book. Plus, you get built-in Messenger, smart conversation threading, powerful keyboard shortcuts, the new quick actions, attachment preview and our beautiful new rich themes.

However, the email omits to mention that like the hoi-polloi massed in the outer darkness beyond the petal-strewn Ambrosian slopes surrounding Fort Sunnyvale, Yahoo staff can't view multiple emails simultaneously on a single screen. That particular privilege was removed when the redesigned email was introduced and despite all the complaints since it has still not been reintroduced.

And now, the final quote for Thanksgiving Day, "Please note, on the mobile side, corp mail is not yet supported in our Mail app for Android or iOS, but that will change. And, like all dogfood offerings, there is a feedback link in the product. Use it generously so we can make the improvements to make Yahoo Mail the unquestioned inbox champion of the world. I pitty [sic] the fool who resists".

As Nigel Molesorth, of Form 3B at St. Custard's - an English public school "built by a madman in 1836" - was wont to comment some 117 years later; "Any fule kno that..." it's 'pity' not 'pitty' before then going on to ignominiously lose the rafia-work competition final against arch-rival educational establishment Porridge Court.

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